Hello Blog Buddies,
It has been quite a while since I have posted and there is no other reason for my absence other then the truth....I abused my band, I fell off the band wagon, and I have not only not seen my Dr. in like 9 mos. I have gained 20 pounds over the past few months, my clothes though they fit, are tight and don't feel as comfortable or look nice as they once did, I have stopped working out, I have failed my band....With all of that said, once I started slacking, it was just easier and easier to keep slacking and the thought of posting a blog made me feel ashamed, sad, and so much like a failure. How could I read about all of your great band stories while I struggled with mine? How could I post all was going well when I knew damn well, I was maintaining not losing and losing was the name of the game. How could I get closer and closer to my 1 year goal and be so very close to 300 again when I was nearly 20 pounds away from 300 a year ago? Did I want to be that honest with all of you? No, I did not. Not only would that mean that I have failed, even with this band, but that admitting it would make it more real then it already was. So what changed? I got on the scale 2 months ago and the scale said 297!!! What the hell? How did that happen....a few weeks later, it said 303!!! I took my daughter to her college visit, she graduates in a few weeks and want to go to Humboldt State, HSU stands for HILLS and STAIRS...I couldn't make it up the last hill. I was so out of breath, my husband said, just wait her, catch your breath and I will go with her to the next meeting she has.....What!!! You seriously want to leave me here to catch my breath and miss out on a meeting with one of her future professors!!! Kristin, how did you let this happen that you can't even climb hills and walk up stairs without losing your breat so badly you clearly can't go any further?? How could you let the very thing that helped you to go through with the surgery, "be there for your kids", miss out on this very important meeting because of HILLS AND STAIRS!!!! I was infuriated with myself. I was depressed. I was mad at the one constant supporter in my life my Hubby of suggesting I rest and he go without me!!! That was a week ago. All week, I have been telling myself you can do this, you can get back on the band wagon and you can do this. You have only gained 20 pounds, that is nothing in the grand scheme of things....I got on the scale last night, (I know it was night, I had drank over a liter of water, eaten all day, not the best time to weigh yourself) 307!!! No mind you, I weighed myself this a.m and it is back to 303, but it is over 300....It is 20 pounds in the wrong direction and it is time to be accountable again. I wish I knew people in my area who I could talk with and be accountable with, but I cheated, I had my surgery through a 1800 get thin and it was not near my house. It is time for me to admit, I need my blog buddies. I need to be accountable, I need to be honest, I need to face the facts....My size 20 butt should really be in a size 22 and that my 24's are so lose and comfy I find too much comfort in them......I need to get my head out of my butt and get my butt in gear.....So there is the ugly, honest truth....I have abused my band and I have paid for it and I have to get back in the game...
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Soul Searching....Still coming up Stuck!!
So it has been almost 3 months and the scale has not really moved... Ounces here up and down, but as far as pounds go.....NOTHING!!! It does get frustrating I will be honest. I have thought, if I am doing what I need to be doing, if I am working out, if I am following the Dr. directions, why???? do I seem to be at a stand still??? Yes, the inches are coming off, yes, the clothes are fitting better. Yes, I see a difference in how I look....I am happy for all of that. I have talked with the Dr. and he is happy with my progress. I see him again on Monday. For the most part, most of the time, I am happy with my progress as well. But then there are days when life gets in the way, one bump turns into two, two turns into three, they keep coming and then to top it all of the scale has not gone down in almost 3 mos.
There is frustration at times.....there is a little bit of failure at times....Why did I have this done if things don't seem to be moving as quickly as I expected???? Aug 6th will be my 7 month bandaversary and I am still only at 45...No small feet I know, and I am getting in great shape, I know, and muscle weights more then fat, I know, and as long as I keep doing what I am doing, it is soon going to melt away, I know.....but there are nights like tonight, when I am just feeling a little more emotional about EVERYTHING the seems to be compounding and compounding and weighing me down and then I think about the scale and it is like the little butterfly who lands on top of the great giant tower of cards and knocks it all down!!!
My brain is in so many places in so many different areas of my life right now and I just can't seem to concentrate on anything... I am angry, frustrated, sad, scared, infuriated, content, ok, muddeling through everything in pieces all at the same time and I am just exhausted.....
In all honesty, this has been the crappiest summer in a very long time....and yet my weight, my work outs, my mind set on that subject has been very positive this whole time. That in and of itself is a huge NSV for me. I have not broke down, thrown out my scale, yelled and screamed, blamed this or that....I know I am doing what I need to be doing, and I know I am fighting against a body that is completly content in the 280's.....It has know the 280's for most of my adult life so of course it is happy here....I also know that eventually, the stuck, will get unstuck and things will flow...That I have not allowed this to consume me and rule over me is fabulous and I am happy with that....but as a mom, I have been really stretched this summer and it is breaking me.
I also realize that my stress, worry, concern, late night discussions on the matter, anxiety, and overall unhealthy feelings about the situation are playing tricks on my weight loss as well. It is this inability to find peace with this, to find peace with dealing and handeling the situation as a parent that is keeping me up, driving me to insanity and causing me such grief. I know teenagers are going to be teenagers and in the grand scheme of things, No. 1 is not doing drugs, not drinking, not going out and partying, not sleeping around, not haveing sex (yet!!!) and I should count my blessings. But I can't release the YET!!! I can't find peace in the it is most likely going to happen, soon.... I can't stop hoping, praying and believing that this child of mine will realize her worth and get rid of this self rightous BF she has instead of continually given so much away of herself to him. I see the manipulation, I see deciet, I see the suddelties of his words and actions and I just want to SCREAM...."wake up kid, don't see this sleeze for what he really is???" and no....I resist, she runs to him. I yell at her, she runs to him. I punish her she runs to him. I try to be honest with her, she runs to him. I tell her I don't like him, he is not good for her, she runs to him. I tell her I will try and be nice, she runs to him... I am damned if I do and damned if I don't and though she may think she is ready to give herself away to this #@$!@^@$@&@%#&@%@& (bad words) I am not ready to let her....I am not ok with her making a mistake like this, I am not ok with watching her do something she is going to regret for the rest of her life, and it keeps me up all night....It keeps me in this crazed cycle of stress, anxiety, and wretchedness. I am stuck in more ways then one!!!
I also know I can't control her. I know she is 17 and she is going to make her own choices. I know she is going to fail. We all do that is how we learn. But I can't let myself sit back and watch her fail with her body, with herself, with her virginity. It may not be precious to her, but it is precious to me. But I can't do anything about it because it is not my virginity. It is hers and I am struggeling. I know she is worth more then him. I know she is worth more then 17. I know she is worth so much more. That she doesn't seem to know this, after all of our truth and honesty and encouragment about the subject is killing me. And all I can do is watch. I don't want to.....and I can't find a happy place.....Yes, of course I could make her break up with him, but what will that do??? Make her resist us more, and cause her to run to him. I just can't find peace, I am struggeling, I am drowing and I have no control in the matter and it is driving me out of my mind. I limit her contact with him but I am only delaying it. I know this. I am ok with that for now. I can pray he go away, that they break up, but what will that do??? just give me peace till the next one comes around. If she has decided she is going to have sex, she is going to, and I can't stop that......I just wish I could.....and I have not been able to let go of the "wish I could"....I know I can't.....but I am not ok with that.....and there is nothing I can do about that either....because she is in control of this situation. It is her body, her decision, her road to travel and in no way shape or form is it the road, direction or way I have ever invisioned for her. I know I am just fighting myself here....I can let go of my desire for her, my road for her to go down and try and find peace with the direction she seems to be traveling down....but I feel like I am giveing up on her and so then I fight harder for what I know/think is best for her....then I fight over am I being controlling, am I not letting her grow up??? But how can I stand by and watch her crash and burn????
Obviously I am just repeating my self and my struggle, and my internal fight and my disapointment and my inability to find peace.....This has been going on and on in circles and circles in my head 24/7 for the past 6weeks.....I am exhauseted, mentally, I am spent, and I am getting no where.....I am stuck!!! The answer is to love her no matter what...To be there for her when she has crashed and burned...To continue to encourage her and let her know she is worth so very very much...to be thankful she does not do drugs, smoke, drink, party or sleep around....so how do I find peace with the internal fight I am having for her???? She doesn't want me to fight for her....so why am I still fighting??? I am only fighting myself and I am getting no where and I only causing grief for myself....and so I fight, I relent, I try, I don't try, I swim in this vicious circle that I can't find peace in, that I don't know how to get out of, and I continue to be stuck.....stuck in this fight, the 280's, this body that is resisting, this slump.....stuck
There is frustration at times.....there is a little bit of failure at times....Why did I have this done if things don't seem to be moving as quickly as I expected???? Aug 6th will be my 7 month bandaversary and I am still only at 45...No small feet I know, and I am getting in great shape, I know, and muscle weights more then fat, I know, and as long as I keep doing what I am doing, it is soon going to melt away, I know.....but there are nights like tonight, when I am just feeling a little more emotional about EVERYTHING the seems to be compounding and compounding and weighing me down and then I think about the scale and it is like the little butterfly who lands on top of the great giant tower of cards and knocks it all down!!!
My brain is in so many places in so many different areas of my life right now and I just can't seem to concentrate on anything... I am angry, frustrated, sad, scared, infuriated, content, ok, muddeling through everything in pieces all at the same time and I am just exhausted.....
In all honesty, this has been the crappiest summer in a very long time....and yet my weight, my work outs, my mind set on that subject has been very positive this whole time. That in and of itself is a huge NSV for me. I have not broke down, thrown out my scale, yelled and screamed, blamed this or that....I know I am doing what I need to be doing, and I know I am fighting against a body that is completly content in the 280's.....It has know the 280's for most of my adult life so of course it is happy here....I also know that eventually, the stuck, will get unstuck and things will flow...That I have not allowed this to consume me and rule over me is fabulous and I am happy with that....but as a mom, I have been really stretched this summer and it is breaking me.
I also realize that my stress, worry, concern, late night discussions on the matter, anxiety, and overall unhealthy feelings about the situation are playing tricks on my weight loss as well. It is this inability to find peace with this, to find peace with dealing and handeling the situation as a parent that is keeping me up, driving me to insanity and causing me such grief. I know teenagers are going to be teenagers and in the grand scheme of things, No. 1 is not doing drugs, not drinking, not going out and partying, not sleeping around, not haveing sex (yet!!!) and I should count my blessings. But I can't release the YET!!! I can't find peace in the it is most likely going to happen, soon.... I can't stop hoping, praying and believing that this child of mine will realize her worth and get rid of this self rightous BF she has instead of continually given so much away of herself to him. I see the manipulation, I see deciet, I see the suddelties of his words and actions and I just want to SCREAM...."wake up kid, don't see this sleeze for what he really is???" and no....I resist, she runs to him. I yell at her, she runs to him. I punish her she runs to him. I try to be honest with her, she runs to him. I tell her I don't like him, he is not good for her, she runs to him. I tell her I will try and be nice, she runs to him... I am damned if I do and damned if I don't and though she may think she is ready to give herself away to this #@$!@^@$@&@%#&@%@& (bad words) I am not ready to let her....I am not ok with her making a mistake like this, I am not ok with watching her do something she is going to regret for the rest of her life, and it keeps me up all night....It keeps me in this crazed cycle of stress, anxiety, and wretchedness. I am stuck in more ways then one!!!
I also know I can't control her. I know she is 17 and she is going to make her own choices. I know she is going to fail. We all do that is how we learn. But I can't let myself sit back and watch her fail with her body, with herself, with her virginity. It may not be precious to her, but it is precious to me. But I can't do anything about it because it is not my virginity. It is hers and I am struggeling. I know she is worth more then him. I know she is worth more then 17. I know she is worth so much more. That she doesn't seem to know this, after all of our truth and honesty and encouragment about the subject is killing me. And all I can do is watch. I don't want to.....and I can't find a happy place.....Yes, of course I could make her break up with him, but what will that do??? Make her resist us more, and cause her to run to him. I just can't find peace, I am struggeling, I am drowing and I have no control in the matter and it is driving me out of my mind. I limit her contact with him but I am only delaying it. I know this. I am ok with that for now. I can pray he go away, that they break up, but what will that do??? just give me peace till the next one comes around. If she has decided she is going to have sex, she is going to, and I can't stop that......I just wish I could.....and I have not been able to let go of the "wish I could"....I know I can't.....but I am not ok with that.....and there is nothing I can do about that either....because she is in control of this situation. It is her body, her decision, her road to travel and in no way shape or form is it the road, direction or way I have ever invisioned for her. I know I am just fighting myself here....I can let go of my desire for her, my road for her to go down and try and find peace with the direction she seems to be traveling down....but I feel like I am giveing up on her and so then I fight harder for what I know/think is best for her....then I fight over am I being controlling, am I not letting her grow up??? But how can I stand by and watch her crash and burn????
Obviously I am just repeating my self and my struggle, and my internal fight and my disapointment and my inability to find peace.....This has been going on and on in circles and circles in my head 24/7 for the past 6weeks.....I am exhauseted, mentally, I am spent, and I am getting no where.....I am stuck!!! The answer is to love her no matter what...To be there for her when she has crashed and burned...To continue to encourage her and let her know she is worth so very very much...to be thankful she does not do drugs, smoke, drink, party or sleep around....so how do I find peace with the internal fight I am having for her???? She doesn't want me to fight for her....so why am I still fighting??? I am only fighting myself and I am getting no where and I only causing grief for myself....and so I fight, I relent, I try, I don't try, I swim in this vicious circle that I can't find peace in, that I don't know how to get out of, and I continue to be stuck.....stuck in this fight, the 280's, this body that is resisting, this slump.....stuck
Thursday, August 2, 2012
TTT
Ok...Ten Things!!! Love it!!! Thank you Laura...
1. No. 1 situation is still stressing me out!!! I realize teenage girls are going to execute their independence....just not familiar with dealing with it as a mom!!! Sucks sometimes I tell ya!!!
2. Been loving watching the Olympics!! Fab 5 woo hoo!!!
3. Had my yearly exam today!!! Gotta love the click click click...
4. My summer vacation is quickly coming to a close...I go back for prep, planning and meetings on the 13th...students start back on the 23rd...
5. Hubby and I have been doing the swim work out!!!! I have had the past 2 days off and will admit...a tiny bit of me missed the pool today....just a tiny bit...and don't tell hubby!!! Our email is the same so when you respond to this he gets your responses too!!! That's all I need...Hubby knowing I missed the pool!!!;)
6. My friend owns a cupcake shop...Damn cupcakes!!! I have been craving those things like crazy!!!! Thank Hod in this instance I have no money cuz that maple bacon one is SCREAMING my name!!!
7. I have been mentally spent the last month!!! I need a vacation from my own head!! Hubby and I want to stay on one of those huts over the water in Bora Bora so bad!!!! I am starting a "stay naked in Tahiti" fund, because I want my dream vacation get away....
8. Saw Batman Dark Night Rises...loved it!! Great movie!!!
9. This attitudinal Russian gymnast Mustafina is driving me crazy!!! Could be cuz of No 1's Attitude but I just want to smack her!!!
10. I have been keeping terrible hours...TERRIBLE!!! Going to bed at like 3:30 in the morning...waking up at like 10:00 a.m.....My schedule is a mess!!!
Love to you all...have a great Friday!!!;) xoxo Kristin
1. No. 1 situation is still stressing me out!!! I realize teenage girls are going to execute their independence....just not familiar with dealing with it as a mom!!! Sucks sometimes I tell ya!!!
2. Been loving watching the Olympics!! Fab 5 woo hoo!!!
3. Had my yearly exam today!!! Gotta love the click click click...
4. My summer vacation is quickly coming to a close...I go back for prep, planning and meetings on the 13th...students start back on the 23rd...
5. Hubby and I have been doing the swim work out!!!! I have had the past 2 days off and will admit...a tiny bit of me missed the pool today....just a tiny bit...and don't tell hubby!!! Our email is the same so when you respond to this he gets your responses too!!! That's all I need...Hubby knowing I missed the pool!!!;)
6. My friend owns a cupcake shop...Damn cupcakes!!! I have been craving those things like crazy!!!! Thank Hod in this instance I have no money cuz that maple bacon one is SCREAMING my name!!!
7. I have been mentally spent the last month!!! I need a vacation from my own head!! Hubby and I want to stay on one of those huts over the water in Bora Bora so bad!!!! I am starting a "stay naked in Tahiti" fund, because I want my dream vacation get away....
8. Saw Batman Dark Night Rises...loved it!! Great movie!!!
9. This attitudinal Russian gymnast Mustafina is driving me crazy!!! Could be cuz of No 1's Attitude but I just want to smack her!!!
10. I have been keeping terrible hours...TERRIBLE!!! Going to bed at like 3:30 in the morning...waking up at like 10:00 a.m.....My schedule is a mess!!!
Love to you all...have a great Friday!!!;) xoxo Kristin
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Not MIA...I promise!!!:)
Hello Blogger Buddies,
I have not been MIA though it would appear I have been...I am still stuck in the 280's, but I am not frustrated, I am working through it. Hubby and I have been working on my work outs. Well I have been working, Hubby has just been thinking if new ways to torture me!!!;) Just kidding, he has been very supportive.
Hubby is a varsity football coach and he has me doing the swim workout he and his Asst. coach who was also a varsity swim coach have the Football players doing!!! Yikes Babe I'm 38 not 15-17!!! But I love swimming and though the routine is only 30 min...it kicks my butt!! Did you know you can sweat in the pool??? You can!!!
So, even though the scale is really not moving, I am in a size 20 regularly now from a very tight, seams ripping 24...I can wear an XL -L shirt, the curves are replacing the rolls, and the inches continue to come off...I can't knock the inches as I know soon, very soon, as I stay consistent the scale will move down too!!!
On another note...Hubby is really really encouraging me to join a triathlon in March...now before you all freak out it is not a full blown triathlon...it is a 500 meter swim, a 14 mile bike ride and a 3 mile walk/run!!! I swam 500 meters the other night, just regular I was not pushing just to see how long it took and how I felt???!!! It took me 20 min...very doable!!! IF!!! I agree I know with training I can get that swim down to 10 min...it is .3 miles...I ride my bike all the time and can do almost 8 miles in an hour and again I am riding but not racing so with training, I can get that time down too...we shall not discuss the run as I am not a fan...but what do you all think??? A fairly doable triathlon yes or no??? Of course I have to get over myself as far as the run part goes!!! And there is nothing wrong with walking!!!;)
I have not been MIA though it would appear I have been...I am still stuck in the 280's, but I am not frustrated, I am working through it. Hubby and I have been working on my work outs. Well I have been working, Hubby has just been thinking if new ways to torture me!!!;) Just kidding, he has been very supportive.
Hubby is a varsity football coach and he has me doing the swim workout he and his Asst. coach who was also a varsity swim coach have the Football players doing!!! Yikes Babe I'm 38 not 15-17!!! But I love swimming and though the routine is only 30 min...it kicks my butt!! Did you know you can sweat in the pool??? You can!!!
So, even though the scale is really not moving, I am in a size 20 regularly now from a very tight, seams ripping 24...I can wear an XL -L shirt, the curves are replacing the rolls, and the inches continue to come off...I can't knock the inches as I know soon, very soon, as I stay consistent the scale will move down too!!!
On another note...Hubby is really really encouraging me to join a triathlon in March...now before you all freak out it is not a full blown triathlon...it is a 500 meter swim, a 14 mile bike ride and a 3 mile walk/run!!! I swam 500 meters the other night, just regular I was not pushing just to see how long it took and how I felt???!!! It took me 20 min...very doable!!! IF!!! I agree I know with training I can get that swim down to 10 min...it is .3 miles...I ride my bike all the time and can do almost 8 miles in an hour and again I am riding but not racing so with training, I can get that time down too...we shall not discuss the run as I am not a fan...but what do you all think??? A fairly doable triathlon yes or no??? Of course I have to get over myself as far as the run part goes!!! And there is nothing wrong with walking!!!;)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Universal Studios Hollywood!!!
Well Friday we went to Universal Studios and there was quite a bit of good stuff
Happening...we had a great family time...I did not cower at one photo opp...
My step mom generously paid for it all and without knowing, bought year round passes not a single day!!!woo hoo we are going again and again over the next year!!!...I had never been so that was fun and exciting....I did not worry about fitting into the ride seats as I knew I would and I did on every one we road....the Transformers adventure was amazing, we went on that 3x....I walked all over and though after 11 hours my dogs were barking really really loud it still felt great...we ate for the most part very well and I did not indulge due to the atmosphere...the tours and shows we saw were fabulous...it was just a day full of NSV's for me and I had a fabulous, fun family day....pictures to follow of the family, cousins, Nani and Auntie Arin and Uncle Mario...have a terrific Tuesday...xoxo
Happening...we had a great family time...I did not cower at one photo opp...
My step mom generously paid for it all and without knowing, bought year round passes not a single day!!!woo hoo we are going again and again over the next year!!!...I had never been so that was fun and exciting....I did not worry about fitting into the ride seats as I knew I would and I did on every one we road....the Transformers adventure was amazing, we went on that 3x....I walked all over and though after 11 hours my dogs were barking really really loud it still felt great...we ate for the most part very well and I did not indulge due to the atmosphere...the tours and shows we saw were fabulous...it was just a day full of NSV's for me and I had a fabulous, fun family day....pictures to follow of the family, cousins, Nani and Auntie Arin and Uncle Mario...have a terrific Tuesday...xoxo
Thursday, July 12, 2012
TTT
Ten Things Thursday....thank you Laura, your blog is adorable and this Thursday tradition is delightful!!! Love it and thank you for it!!!
Ok, on with the show!!
1. I have had a very trying week...I realize I was a perfect teenager...I really was, I did not drink, smoke, experiment with anything illegal, or fool around with the opposite sex....I realize these were my decisions and I was proud of them...I also have tried very hard to raise my girls in the same fashion. I know I am not failing, but I have felt a huge blow with my oldest the past 2 weeks. Things I never thought I would have to deal with as a parent because I was such a model citizen. It has made me very emotional. Yes, I have turned to good old snickers and rockey road a couple of times. Obviously I did not down the entire extra large candy bar, geez you get two of those things, but over the course of 2 days I did finish it....I also did not eat the entire container of rocky road...I had 2 reasonable sized small bowls with magic shell I might add, and NO....it did not make me feel better. Yes, I knew what I was doing the entire time, thus the portion control to some extent!!! Still food is not as comforting as it used to be, and that is good...dealing with life, when you really are not sure how to deal with things you have not had to encounter before however, SUCKS!!!
2. So on to a better topic...yesturday we left my Dad's condo and this was the picture I took...it gave me peace, so I wanted to share.
3. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I bought some new make-up...finally took a picture...hard to see the colors I guess, but they are fun!!!
4. I also promised I would share some pics from the party that we dressed up as "Wal-Mart Worthy", white trashy....and the Disco/70's party last weekend....Mind you the 70's pics are not flatering at all but the shirt is a Large so woot woot!!
5. Hubby woke me up really early today. He has been going to football practice early because we live in Hell during the summer....But today was really special...Yesturday he had an interview with the local newspaper about him being the new head varsity coach for a local High School....It ran today....So here is a rather bad picture of hubby in the newspaper!!! So proud of him....sorry couldn't straighten it out....
6. Since I was up so early, I figured I had no excuse not to workout so I went for a bike ride....while riding it looked like this.....
Don't let those pictures fool you....weather like this in the desert just means HUMIDIY!!!! It looks cold, but let me tell ya, it is far far far from cold.....Then it started to rain....riding in the rain was very refreshing I might add, wish I could ride in the rain more often, and the humidity has not kicked in yet, so it was a cooler rain not a steaming hot rain!!!
rain on my pants!!!
7. The kids have been enjoying their visit with their cousins from WA...they have been swimming, playing in the sprinklers, going to the movies....it has been nice for them....Well No. 2 and Buddy Boy, No. 1 is too old so she has been pouting mostly about her punishments.....
8. Hubby has to go have blood drawn today....he has been feeling a little low lately and wants to make sure all is well with him....I think it is the stress of No. 1 but we are going to get it checked out to make sure....
9. Did I mention there was a snake on my front porch last week??? There was a snake on my front porch last week...a baby rattle snake, well a juvinal side winder, still a rattle snake... it had to die....sorry to any snake lovers out there, but he was to small, and I have kids and a mini wienner dog....
another joy of living in the desert during the summer.....HEAT, HEAT and more HEAT and SNAKES!!!
10. Tomorrow we are all going with the cousins to Universal Studios....I have never been and I am very excited....I will take pics and post later....I am also looking forward to all of the walking this will bring for my day, all of the ride fitting into and all of the family fun we should have....My Dad and Step Mom are funding it so that is a blessing as well....Have a fabulous Thursday lovelies....xoxox Kristin
Ok, on with the show!!
1. I have had a very trying week...I realize I was a perfect teenager...I really was, I did not drink, smoke, experiment with anything illegal, or fool around with the opposite sex....I realize these were my decisions and I was proud of them...I also have tried very hard to raise my girls in the same fashion. I know I am not failing, but I have felt a huge blow with my oldest the past 2 weeks. Things I never thought I would have to deal with as a parent because I was such a model citizen. It has made me very emotional. Yes, I have turned to good old snickers and rockey road a couple of times. Obviously I did not down the entire extra large candy bar, geez you get two of those things, but over the course of 2 days I did finish it....I also did not eat the entire container of rocky road...I had 2 reasonable sized small bowls with magic shell I might add, and NO....it did not make me feel better. Yes, I knew what I was doing the entire time, thus the portion control to some extent!!! Still food is not as comforting as it used to be, and that is good...dealing with life, when you really are not sure how to deal with things you have not had to encounter before however, SUCKS!!!
3. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I bought some new make-up...finally took a picture...hard to see the colors I guess, but they are fun!!!
4. I also promised I would share some pics from the party that we dressed up as "Wal-Mart Worthy", white trashy....and the Disco/70's party last weekend....Mind you the 70's pics are not flatering at all but the shirt is a Large so woot woot!!
5. Hubby woke me up really early today. He has been going to football practice early because we live in Hell during the summer....But today was really special...Yesturday he had an interview with the local newspaper about him being the new head varsity coach for a local High School....It ran today....So here is a rather bad picture of hubby in the newspaper!!! So proud of him....sorry couldn't straighten it out....
6. Since I was up so early, I figured I had no excuse not to workout so I went for a bike ride....while riding it looked like this.....
7. The kids have been enjoying their visit with their cousins from WA...they have been swimming, playing in the sprinklers, going to the movies....it has been nice for them....Well No. 2 and Buddy Boy, No. 1 is too old so she has been pouting mostly about her punishments.....
8. Hubby has to go have blood drawn today....he has been feeling a little low lately and wants to make sure all is well with him....I think it is the stress of No. 1 but we are going to get it checked out to make sure....
9. Did I mention there was a snake on my front porch last week??? There was a snake on my front porch last week...a baby rattle snake, well a juvinal side winder, still a rattle snake... it had to die....sorry to any snake lovers out there, but he was to small, and I have kids and a mini wienner dog....
10. Tomorrow we are all going with the cousins to Universal Studios....I have never been and I am very excited....I will take pics and post later....I am also looking forward to all of the walking this will bring for my day, all of the ride fitting into and all of the family fun we should have....My Dad and Step Mom are funding it so that is a blessing as well....Have a fabulous Thursday lovelies....xoxox Kristin
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Tuesday Tune-Up!!!
I had my appt. on Sat with the Dr....in 5 weeks I have lost 1/2 a pound!!! I know, that is like record breaking!!!!(that is sarcasm!!)...so I told him, look I have been in the 280's for like 11 weeks now...really, I have been good, I am working out I am keeping within my calories...He said how are your clothes fitting? Great I said, I am in size 20's some look better then others but they are up, buttoned an no muffin top...my undies are a size 16, my shirts are Large and XL without stretching....He said then you are doing exactly what you need to...you lose inches or pounds but not at the same time so, your inches are catching up with your weight, when your inches stop the weight will start again...you keep doing what you are doing, it is working and you are progressing normally....I see this pattern all the time you are good!! I told him my restriction was good and he felt the same....he said if I felt it lossen up come in earlier otherwise he would see me in 4 weeks...so no fill, but I am at 8cc in a 14cc band...
To be honest I really am not hungry at all...teenage drama and I will confess I wanted a cheeseburger with the bun so bad the other night from McD's....I was so raging mad!!! Hubby knew I was mad do you know what he said to me...."if it will make you feel better then get it....I cut him off!!! Now madder then before..."what, WHAT!!! You are going to let me eat to console myself knowing how mad I am!!!!! What is wrong with you!!! You know that is bad behavior!!!went on and on about how that is unsupportive, blah, blah, blah!!!! He calmly reply's knowing in my irritation I have lost it!!! If you would have let me finished before you jumped down my throat, I was going to say get it if it makes you feel better...w/o the bun!!! Because according to you the meat and cheese is ok!!!! I had to apologize because he is always looking out for me!!!
Needless to say I am in need of a mental tune-up!!!
To be honest I really am not hungry at all...teenage drama and I will confess I wanted a cheeseburger with the bun so bad the other night from McD's....I was so raging mad!!! Hubby knew I was mad do you know what he said to me...."if it will make you feel better then get it....I cut him off!!! Now madder then before..."what, WHAT!!! You are going to let me eat to console myself knowing how mad I am!!!!! What is wrong with you!!! You know that is bad behavior!!!went on and on about how that is unsupportive, blah, blah, blah!!!! He calmly reply's knowing in my irritation I have lost it!!! If you would have let me finished before you jumped down my throat, I was going to say get it if it makes you feel better...w/o the bun!!! Because according to you the meat and cheese is ok!!!! I had to apologize because he is always looking out for me!!!
Needless to say I am in need of a mental tune-up!!!
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