Hello All, this blog cracks me up….Before I started one, I had a million and one things to say, now that I have one, I feel like none of it is interesting enough…but thus has been my week, one big contradiction and it has been driving me crazy…and so I have frustration in me….when I taught elementary school, I read a book series about a Kindergardener who wasn’t quiet sure how to use the big words she knew, so once in a while they came out in an interesting fashion, “Frustration in me” was one I understood, took hold of, and adopted as my own!! Becasue I have "Frustration in Me"!!!
Now, I know you are not to supposed to weigh yourself everyday…(I see you all shaking your heads, and telling me to stop…I do), I also know the first 6 weeks is a healing time, weight loss at this stage is a bonus!! Well I want a BIGGER BONUS!! Today starts week 5, starts being the key word. I also know that this booty did not get as big as it is over night, and it is going to take time. We don’t go in for surgery and wake up with a whole new body, with all of the weight gone, looking hot to trot, new wardrobe in the closet and happily living in ONEderland (though I prefer my story of waking up, then the reality…just saying). Again, I say I know this, but there are times, when I look in the mirror expecting to see some new curve, or thinner thighs, or tighter waving arm flaps…NOPE…and to make things worse, with all of the inches (inches are just as important if not more then pounds, I know this too, but inches are not weighed on a scale pounds are) I have been losing, more so then pounds it would seem, and all of the exercising I have been doing has caused my once hard, solid fat body, to be a soft, jello-y slightly smaller fat body…Again I repeat…I know there is going to be some flab, jell-o, and squishiness until things get toned and firmed. This takes time, I so realize this, honestly I do…my dilemma lies in the scale…I even bought a new one!!! I know, pick a day and weigh once a week…but I am so close to getting rid of the 3 in the hundreds place with regard to my weight…let me just tell you how close….Tues…301.7…Wed 301.3…Thurs…300.2 (really, you cant just say 299.9)…Fri…301.0…What!!! What!!! What!!! (yes, I am raising my voice!!) How on earth did I gain??? Thus I have driven myself to “Frustration in me”…all my fault, I know.
The inches are going great, I have 2 pairs of 20’s I can get in no muffin top, and room to move. My 18/20 tops have come out to play, as many of my 22/24’s look like jammie tops…I am having no issues with clothes and have been able to say bye bye to many of my 24’s (size I began this in) hello to my 22’s, and some of my 20’s (let me add I am 5’10”, length is on my side)…Love that!! However, there is still a 3 in the hundreds place when I step on the scale…(Sigh…)
So, here I sit, trying to deal with “Frustration in Me”…knowing full well I caused the frustration, and trying to get over myself. I know the hundreds place for my weight will soon show a 2 and these hang ups, hurdles, and haults are all part of the journey. There are going to be times, when my body has to catch up, do its thing, and cause “frustration in me”. I was just really hoping that by the start of 5 weeks out I would have lost more pounds then I have at this point. My goal at the 6 week mark is 30 pounds. Well that is what I have said verbally….(internally I was looking for 40). I have until the 18th, and I am only about 5.5-6 pounds away from 30, that is very attainable in 2 weeks. One pound at a time right? I am just trying to rush the process and get to the finish line before I have even really started (my band isn’t even turned on yet…first fill on the 18th). Technically my one month bandaversary is the 6th . I just need to slow down my perspective, not rush through the journey, and try to learn all I can from the processes, in order to stay focused and successful. I think what is really tripping up my brain is the 2 week pre-op diet. I feel like I have been doing this 2 weeks longer then I really have and I need to let that go. Pre-op is pre-op, healing time is healing time, and turned on time will happen in 2 weeks…So what have I learned from this “Frustration in me”…I need to chill!!! I need to stay off the scale!! I need to keep up my workouts…and I need to learn from, soak in, and enjoy the journey. Okay, I pledge to stay off the scale until Monday morning!!! This is going to kill me!!!… Funny enough, I have had a bag of M&M’s on the counter for 3 days, (students had a fundraiser, I was a supportive teacher) not tempted to open them a single time, forgot I had them in my bag for 2 days didn’t kill me at all to look at them once and staying off the scale is going to kill me!!! Who am I???