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Monday, January 30, 2012

A couple of things I have noticed...

In an effort to be aware of what my body is doing through out this journey, I have noticed a couple of things....1) my nails are weak and thin, but all this protein!!! They are growing on their own, getting long and they are strong!! 2) my toe nails not so much??? Interesting they are very thin and weak... Weird!! 3) my hair is not falling out as much. I know some people complain that their hair falls out, I have had more hair fall out with other "diets" but not realy with the band... I am chalking it up to doing good on my protein in take...4) since I have been sleeping with my C-pap machine( I was diagnosed with sleep apnea) I really have been sleeping better and wake up ready to go...5) TOM almost forgot me this month!!! Finally showed but I hope I don't have too many TOM issues... I was so regular I hate to mess with that it screws up the weight loss!!!

Hope everyone had a good Monday!! Bought my new scale!!;)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I Ate Out!!!

I hope everyone had a nice weekend.  I must say we had a very good weekend, lots of family time, buddy boy won his division in soccer and is the CHAMPION!!  No 1. got to see her boyfriend who lives out of town, (I really kinda like the long distance thing at 16!!) and NO. 2 was honored at a BBQ for her efforts as a center and side line ref for soccer (her team came in third).  

Today I tested myself!!  After almost 6 weeks (2 weeks pre-op and on 4th week post-op), I went out to eat.  My poor family, it had been a while, and we had a bit of money left over (end of the month, I get paid tomorrow) so off to In-N-Out we went.   For those of you who are not from CA, In-N-Out is the BOMB!! when it comes to hamburgers.   That is all they serve, old fashioned 50’s style in a modern get up.   We love them.  Fast food in general is terrible for you I know, but In-N-Out is really not your typical fast food and you just have to experience them.   Unless of course you are from the East Coast where there is White Castle, I have been told, there is no comparison, White Castle wins hands down.  I will find out for myself some day, until then I am a CA girl and In-N-Out is just a must have.  

On with my lunch experience…In-N-Out makes your burger or cheese burger any way pretty much and there is a whole underground menu to these burgers, endless options, and crazy names.   For example, my “old normal” (pre lapband) order was a double double (2 patties), animal style (double everything… cheese, sauce, veggies, grilled onions and pickles) protein style (wrapped in lettuce) and no tomato (can’t do tomato alone, must be smashed in salsa, or sauce) with chopped chilies, animal fries (French fries with special spread, grilled onion and melted cheese on top) with and extra large Iced-T or diet coke.  Obviously this is not my “new normal” (post lapband) order.   I ordered a cheese burger (single patty) animal style, protein style, no tomato with chopped chilies and that was it.  No fries and no drink.  We sat down I asked for a fork and knife, cut up the lettuce and burger very well and set my timer on my phone.   I still set my timer to make sure I am not eating to fast.  I am getting very good at pacing myself, but not ready to give up my timer crutch just yet!!  Hubby is so cute, half way through lunch he said, “Oh did you set your timer?  Are you eating to fast, we aren’t at home so how is this working”.  It was too funny that it kinda just hit him that we are working with a band here now and we are not in the comfort of our own home!!!  I assured him I set my timer and showed him my phone!!  I had 1.5 french fries and really did not miss the taste of them at all not a huge temptation there.   I ate all of the meat and cheese, could not finish all of the lettuce and took just a couple of sips of Hubby’s Iced-T (chopped chilies were hot!!) and I was done.   I was totally full and didn’t even finish the veggies.   Amazing that this burger with only 1 patty filled me up with veggies to spare!!!  Never would have believed it!!!   The best part is MyFitnessPal has In-N-Out preprogrammed with my animal style option!!  My first eating out experience a total success!!  Not that I want to go out every night, but I was happy to experience my first outing with the safety of my family and at a place I knew had protein style burgers very acceptable for me to consume!!  Went on a 3 mile walk before dinner too!!  Tomorrow is pay day, I am buying a new scale seen as the one I have is old, gonna buy a digital one!!  Have a wonderful Monday everyone!!

Friday, January 27, 2012

4 weeks post-op

Today is the first day of my 4th post-op week!!! Real food!!! Not that I have been eating fake food, but food I don't have to purée, blend, or mush!! For dinner I made skinny chicken nuggets from skinnytaste.com and mixed veggies...even my picky buddy boy loved them!!! My whole dinner was 192 calories and 21 grams of protien!!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

All of YOU!!! and a couple NSV's

Today I had a reverse half day.  I didn't have to go to work until noon due to a meeting I needed to attend. 
So this morning, instead of work, I went for my walk.  It was such a fresh and cool morning. I must take in all I can before summer, I am not walking outside in 115' degrees.  As I was walking I got to thinking about this journey and how most of the people who know are complete strangers to me...All of you!!!  I have not told many people in my family for various reasons, but mostly because I have a crazy, phyco, family when it comes to the issue of weight and diet.  I cannot express the very damaged self image I have had to learn to heal and the extreme mind set that has been instilled by my family.   I realize now it all started out of love, Mom and Dad had weight issues, they didn't want my sister or I to have to travel down the same road, but along the way disfuntion of it all set in, and as a kid you don't see the "out of love" when all you hear is "your getting fat", "you need to lose some weight", "you really need to watch what you are eating", " wow, your belly is getting a bit poochie, isn't it?"  Not the average comments one would hear but it is what I heard.  Don't get me wrong, my parents where, are, loving people and I had a great childhood as long as we were not talking about weight.   Weight issues, matters, diet...those conversations went into rhelms of the outer limits.  My poor Hubby, had he realized the crazy damage I harbored with this issue, I think he would have ran in the other direction.  Needless to say he has made it very clear to my parents that weight and diet issues would not be a topic of conversation they would ever have in front of our children.   Hubby has even stopped my mom mid sentence, "Don't go there, you have screwed up your daughters with that kind of talk, my kids will hear none of it".  I love my Hubby!!  

As our children have grown, I have been on endless, countless diets, but my diets have been MY diets, I don't make them a family topic, because I never wanted my kids to think they needed a diet.  I wanted them to know they were beautiful no matter what and really my kids are too young to be on diets, or to even be thinking on those levels.   My 16 year old is the size of a pencil always has been.  My middle daughter is my mini-me in every sense of the word.  I have known this from the time I saw her sonogram at 6 mos pergnant.  Her profile picture was so clear, I knew she looked just like me and she does.  Acts like me, has the same body shape as me, same bone structure as me, loves the same hobbies, she is me minus the heighth.  We are still waiting for her to grow!!!  She is 12.5, average weight perportion to her body, and does not need to go on or worry about diets.  My son is my Hubby's clone, and he just wants to play.  So my diets have always been there, just not a topic of discussion.  When I decided on Lapband I told 4 people.  Hubby, sister, mom, BF (Dad and mom are divorced, did not and have not told him).  I didn't even tell my mom until I started my pre-op diet.  It was about that time I knew I needed to tell my daughter.   Daughter 1 found out earlier, she is noisy!!  Daughter 2 I knew I had to approach very carefully, she is me after all!! 

Two days before I started my pre-op ( Dec 20th), I was reading and journaling under the Christmas tree.  Only me and child 2 and 3 were home, and buddy boy was asleep.  No. 2 came in and sat down with me and I knew I needed to let her know.  I told her that I was going to have surgery.  She asked what kind and I told her lapband surgery, it was going to be in a couple weeks.   She just started crying and kept saying, "No mommy, you don't need it, you look beautiful just the way you are, No!"  Now as a mom I had 3 things pop in my head.   First, please stop crying because that is making me cry!!  Second, Thank you Jesus my kids don't have the crazy, phyco mind set about weight.  Lastly, I am so proud to be married to a Hubby who loves me for me and not only shows it, says it, and acts on it, but has displayed it so well as an example to our kids that this beautiful girl of mine, would tell her 325 pound mother that I don't need it and I am beautiful just the way I am!!!  Wow!! 

This brought me back to I have still not told very many people.  By the day of surgery I think 10-12 people knew, most of them because I wanted the added pray that all would go well.  Only one other family member, my cousin.  I still have not told many and I don't know if that is good, bad, indifferent or just how it is for now.   All part of the journey right!!!  I guess as it comes out it will.   Obviously there will come a point when I will let other fmaily members in on the know...but at this point this journey is a healing process in all aspects and on every level and mainly just for me...only to be shared with for now, mostly people who understand and can relate...All of you!!!

NSV's....#1  Wore a black pair of pants to church that I have not worn in about 4 years...size 22 (have been in 24 but painted on 24's, couldn't buy a 26 just couldn't) with butt and theigh room and no muffin top!!

#2  I have gone on numersous walks without my shoe in-souls and my feet and heel have not bothered me once.  No pain, no tingles, no tenderness, soarness or limps!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Here We Go!!

Well I finally stopped letting the "start your own blog here", tease me and I have gone and started one. I have been so encouraged by the blogs I currently follow that I felt kinda bad I didn't have one of my own. In all honesty, not sure how many if any will follow, but I found my first blog "mdlapband"completely by accident. Don't know how I found it to this day, but I know I had Devine favor in opening it and have been inspired both by the journey and the support to start my own.

So here I go for nothing else other then to express my goals, struggles, successes, pit-falls, and whatever else comes my way. All in an effort to learn from, grow from and turn into a constructive, positive outcome that changes bad habits and leads to new and improved ones!! If others are encouraged and suported along the way, what a fabulous bonus and all the better!! We are on, have started or soon will be on this Lapband journey and the more help, support, encouragement and suggestions we can all give to one another will only make us all stronger and more successful!! I know for myself, just in the past 4 weeks of reading these blogs have been healing medicine to me in body, mind and spirit. So, so grateful for all of the very wonderful ladies I have been inspired by thus far!!

Let me catch you all up a bit on my journey thus far. Two years ago I called and made an appointment to get info on Lapband. Two years ago I chickened out and canceled because I am strong, I don't need surgical help that would mean I failed and I DO NOT fail. I can do this, I can lose weight, I have in the past (55 at one point, beat my 40 pound plateau on the 100th go round)I have gained it all back plus more but this time is different. Sound familiar? Two years!! In that two years I gained the most weight ever and wasn't even pregnant. All 55 and 35 more. I got up to 341!!! OMG!!! How?? People, (mostly family members) would ask what I was depressed about? What? What on earth are you talking about? " Well to have gained so much weight and to have battled it for so long there must be something in your life you are unhappy about?" Yeah!!! My weight!!! And now YOU!!! I wasn't depressed. I have a great life. I love my husband dearly, he is my soul mate..xoxo<3xoxo..I have 3 fabulous kids (16.5,12.5, and almost 9). We bought our new house 2 years ago, I have a great job (HS teacher) I was not unhappy with anything and would get so irritated when the suggestion of me being overweight had to do with my unhappiness!! Ugh makes me crazy to write it!! Regardless of how I got there, my weight was out of control for all of the same reasons as everyone else out there. Bad food choices, grazing, nibbling, taste testing my way through cooking dinner only to eat dinner, not working out, just having "a taste" of cake that turned into a small slice every time I went into the teachers lounge 5x a day, the "one" cookie that turned into half the tray, the supersized lunch washed down with "diet" coke ( cuz that makes it healthy you know!!). So there I was, 341 pounds, and all I could do was cry and cry and cry. It was not intentional. Who intends to gain 90 pounds? Along the way I lost control. Two years!!!

In late July I ran into a friend and she looked amazing. I asked what she had been doing, (your obviously having great success, please let me in on this miracle diet!!!) She said,"I had Lapband". What?? What?? This strong, smart women who by NO means is a failure in any sense of the word had Lapband!!! I kicked myself!! That was it, no more, i am doing it!! I got over myself with the failure lie, admitted I was afraid, but acknowledged I was what I needed to do. I went home discussed it again with my husband and called. I had a an appointment for Sept. Unfortunately I had to cancel the Sept appointment for family matters and rescheduled for Oct. I arrived on Oct 15 filled out the paper work, scheduled my 2 sleep studies and endoscopy. Was done with all the testing and approved by Dec6th!! Was praying hard for a surgery date over Christmas vacation so I wouldn't have to take time off!!! Was called with a surgery date of Jan 6th!! Awesome still on Christmas break, unfortunately it was the last Fri of my break. I had to take a week off, well I opted to take a week off!!;) Surgery was smooth, recovery has been great, going back to work has been very good and I still kick myself about those 2 years!!! Oh well the road I needed to travel to get to where I am now, right!!

Sorry this first one was so long!!