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Thursday, May 23, 2013

Damn Kids!!!

So here is a follow up to my post the other day....First off, thank you to those who commented, they were so very sweet and lovely...I truly appreciate you reading my heartfelt rant!!  Hubby and I had another heart to heart talk on Tuesday night as well and he made me feel so much better, and helped me to view things in a different light....that man!!!  God knew I needed that perfect soul mate to be my husband...He understands me better then I do....love him so much....

Anyway, I was really struggling with this girl, still am but have a better perspective on it all.....I came home from running errands yesterday to these....Now, not that any of this makes things better, but I will say, it was nice that she at least put out an effort....Still not 100% sure she came up with this all on her own either, but I will let that go, focus on her effort, and continue to work on letting this girl make decisions for herself even if I know they will not end well for her....Life lessons kicking you in the butt are hard to forget after all right!!  She will graduate tonight, and I know I will cry, for lots of reasons but mostly because milestones are always emotional, joyful, sad and sometimes crying just makes you feel better!!  Damn Kids... xoxox


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Not about weight loss or the band....just about heart felt hurts and hang ups!!

So this bolg has nothing to do with weight loss and the journey....other then I am letting my stress about the situation and my disapointment win the weightloss battle...Not that any of you can really do anything for me as far as the situation goes either, but I need to get it off my chest and out there so I can continue on in a positive manner....I apologize for making this blog personally based, I understand if you wish not to read....

My oldest daughter Graduates from High School on Thursday.  Though I should be very proud of her and happy for this life accomplishment, I am not.  I am not sad that she is getting older, and I am not sad that she is leaving in August for college.  What I am disapointed about is how horrible this year has gone, how much grief she has caused her father and I, how much stress I have taken on concerning her and how frustrated that I feel like such a bad mother.  I am actually a little jealous of her biological mom, (daughter #1 and hubby were a packaged deal, I have had her since she was 2, bio mom has had very little contact with her)....Her Biological mom is so excited for her, so happy that she is graduating going to college and taking life's steps.  She hasn't been on this past years journey however, and I am really batteling being happy for this child of mine who is being celebrated for being an entitled spoiled brat!  We have pulled teeth with her since last June to get her work done, to go to school, to ease off on the boys, to not behave in such a manner that would suggest she thinks so little of herself that she would compromise on some of the decisions she would make concerning her behavior with boys, friends, and school.  That is not how we raised her, and she is worth so much more.   She ditched most of her classes all Fall.  She had to make them up and had her dad and I not been so active she would not be going to college, to which I think, why did we enable her so to get accepted?  If she can't get her butt out of bed to go to school a mile down the road, why would we trust she will when she is 14 hours away, living on campus and costing us thousands of dollars???  I am so torn.  I want to be happy for her, but I am having a difficult time getting over the grief we have endured this past year.  I want to be excited for her to go to college and start her journey as an adult, but I am more excited that reality is about to slap her in the face and she is going to fall on her butt...I am also very excited to get her out of my house!!  How horrible is that.  How horrible is it to want your child to be out.  How horrible is it to want her to feel the pain of reality and all of the horrible things it has to offer?  I really feel like a terrible mother, but these are my honest feelings.  I am so very angry, hurt, disapointed and done with this girl.  I don't want to put out the money to have a Graduation party for her, but the other part of me tells myself, you need to let her live life.  You need to celebrate her successes, even when they are not her success so she knows how to be successful when she is out there in the real world.  Part of me says, it is a right of passage, and no matter how I feel, she needs to know we support her, love her and will be there for her even when we don't like her.   Isn't that our job as her parent's?  And then I go to where is the line between enableing and giving into the entitlement and tough love drawn?  I really wish I knew the answer to all of this.  I know it would help not only my spirit, but my phsycological well being and my weight loss journey...well lets just get rid of the "loss" word and say weight journey!!  I had a really good heart to heart with Hubby the other  night on how, I am jealous of Bio Mom, how I really wish I was excited and happy to join in this wonderful mile stone.  How I wish and hope I am not bringing everyone down because of my utter disgust for the actions of this child over the past year.  How, I know we need to send out her announcements, we need to give her a party, we need to be happy for her, but how I am not.  I am not at all.  How do I separate my disapointment from my duty as a loving parent and get over it?  Get over what she has done, what she has put us through, her constant lieing that is still going on even now, this very night?  Has she really ever stopped lieing to us? Has she ever stopped sneaking?  Is anything that she does or says have any honesty in it?  How do I get over my feelings of rewarding her for lies, pain, conflict and selfishness?  How do I not cause the same feelings for her?  I am happy Bio Mom has been a neutral sounding board for her and an advocate for her because God knows, I have not wanted to be an advocate for her as of late.  And I appreciate Bio mom's excitment for her, cause this mom, the one who has raised her from the time she was 2 is not very excited at all.

So there is my very honest, heart felt, hard core struggle...so sorry it has little to do with our band...

Thursday, April 25, 2013

TRIPLE T!!!

It is TRIPLE T....thank you to the beautiful, prego LB!!

1. We are state testing this week....the past three days have been easy, but the kids are burned out and they still have 3 days left!!!

2. Has April gone by at a snails pace for all of you too or am I alone in this??? Geez it is slow going, I am dying over here!!!

3. 35 school days left in this school year!!! Ready ready ready to be on summer vacation!!

4. No 1. Commits to her college dorm and roommate tonight...her time slot is 4:45, just praying she gets a fabulous roommate who proves to be a life long friend, and that No. 1 proves to be a life long friend for her as well.

5. We re-fied our house, hopefully sometime this evening we finalize the docs and then if all goes as planned.....NO HOUSE PAYMENT FOR ME FOR A MONTH!!! Woo Hoo!!! Looking forward to that money staying in my bank!!

6. I am calling in sick to work tomorrow...or using a personal day, whatever you want to call it, I am taking. Much needed day off with the Hubby to just chill, hang out, go to lunch, just spend some quality time with him....love him so!!

7. Last week of my 3rd MA class... Loving the program so far, learning some great strategies, getting some goof ideas and even though some assignments are crazy long and hard, I feel accomplished!!!

8. Making a baby quilt for my sisters first baby!!! So excited to be an Auntie!!! I'll post pics when it is all finished!!

9. Anyone here from Andrea??? I know she is getting married here soon!!! What about Amy and her SAL??? Curious about those ladies, hope all is well with them.

10. I have been keeping with my at least 3 bike rides a week... Slowly getting everything in line with one another!!

Have a fabulous Friday everyone and a wonderful weekend!!:)

Sunday, April 21, 2013

NSV's....every little one counts!!

Hello Lovelies...
Last week I posted some short term goals for April and in an effort to keep moving forward as the scale moves down, I want to make sure I remind myself that every little NSV counts.  I need to celebrate the little victories, because these lead to the big ones.... So here is the re-cap of the goals, followed by this past weeks NSV's....

Short term goals:   Trade in my ice-t for water...add a bit more protein to my diet not quite getting enough just yet...continue to go on bike rides and shoot for at least 3x a week for now...work on getting below 300 (that's 2 pounds away)....work on being 5 pounds down by the end of April!!!

NSV's.....
I have rode my bike at least 3x this week
I have been drinking more water
I have been planning my meals on a more regular basis and getting in more protein
I have been reading "Skinny Jean's" and I am working on practicing the good habits.
I am staying positive and motivated no matter what the scale tells me!!

Have a great Monday to you all!!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Triple T..;*)

Hello Lovelies!!  It is TTT, thank you LB!!
Here we go, love TTT, have always loved TTT, wish I had pics to post for you...but, "alas" I do not..

1.  Teaching Romeo and Juliet...will be for the next 5 weeks therefore, "let my intentions be made known, your charming ears (eye) may be consumed with English languages of the olde"....

2.  Hubby had a coaches meeting last night at our house...I was the chef!!  I made roasted chickens, roasted green and yellow squash, Brussel sprouts, asparagus, onion, baby colorful potatoes with a little EVOO and salt and pepper, A salad with added radish, green onion, Asian cucumber and celery...served water and fruit water and made very unband friendly brownies with choc frosting a la mode...I know it was all good until the desert....I did nibble, but I did not indulge!!

3.  I have been reading the book posted by Lapband Gal, followed by JennX as well...Skinny Jeans...really good so far.. I have been highlighting and soaking it in.

4.  I have been planning my meals for the week.  I have made a veggie salad with added feta and chicken all week...minus the day I forgo the chicken...question...I put 3-4 oz of chicken in the salad, but how much salad is too much??  I am putting like a 1.5 cups of lettuce and veggies along with the chicken as my salad...this is beyond the 4 oz we should be eating, but when it comes to salad I am still a little confused on how much "salad" is too much....I always stay under 2 cups but does anyone know a "rule"about the proper amount of "salad" to along with my protein???

5.  It has been a very busy week...I am tired, and so ready for summer vacation....I am not doing anything special this summer, but I am just ready... It has been a strange year??  Not bad at all, just strange not sure why?  Classes are great, students are great, things are moving and grooving well, just ready to be done!!!  42 more school days....

6.  We are streamlining our house loan...my sister is taking care of the details as this is what she does, but we should save about $160 a month....not a lot, but over the long hall, that is like 30,000.00 I don't have to pay someone!!

7.  I read on FB a little gas pumping trick...if you pump the gas into your car slow....very slow!!! (it takes like 10 min) less vapor is pumped into the tank and more gas is pumped in....I have tried this 2x now....I have only put gas in the car on Sat....I still have 1/4 of a tank left and have already driven over 300 miles....I like the results I am getting...I hate pumping forever, but if it will extend the gas in the tank, the miles on my speedometer and the money in my wallet, why not try!!

8.  I asked before, I'll ask again...what have you all heard about, "honey, cinnamon and lemon" and any combination of the three??  Read an article about how honey is like a cure all for all kinds of things...the honey and cinnamon tea I have been making at night has really stifled the chronic cough I was having that is for sure...

9.  Made some more fruit water....used mango, pineapple, apple, orange, and pear this time...very refreshing...Going to try Jennx idea, cucumber, mint and lemon next!!

10.  No. 1 went to her senior beach trip today...hope she is having a good time...

That is all for today!!  Hope you all have a wonderful TTT and a fabulous Friday!!  xoxo Kristin.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Tuesday Testimony....

Hello All,
Hope everyone is doing well so far this week...My week has been good thus far, here are a few testimonies to share!!

1.  My cut up fruits and veggies are doing great...Salad is a breeze to literally throw together...a fist of lettuce, a fist of veggies, crumble some feta, add a couple nuts...Done in less then 30 sec.   Only problem was today in my glory of how smart I am, I forgot the chicken!!  So protein thus far...feta and nuts, not much of either as well!!

2.  I was frustrated yesterday...It was Monday anyway...But I was frustrated, more like irritable with daughter no.1...could not get a hold of her for an hour!!  Once I did I let her know I was very cranky and the "my phone died" excuse was no longer a viable one...so while I was at the store picking up a couple of things for dinner, I picked up a snicker bar too!!!  Oh, and I ate it!!!  I knew I was eating out of emotion as well, but I did it any way...I logged it on MFP...need to be better about that emotional eating BS!!

3.  All of my classes are working on a Romeo and Juliet essay.  I may teach English, but I hate teaching writing....I just am not a fan...I will say the essays are looking great, and I streamlined the processes as best as I can but I would rather teach Romeo and Juliet the play with all of the thee's and thou's, then an essay on Romeo and Juliet any day!!  Oh, and I have to read and grade all 80 of them....Fun times!!

4.  Hopefully I can go on a bike ride tonight...It has been windy here....so so windy, Dirt and Sand Wall's all over... you walk out and you are greeted by sand in your mouth, dirt as a face mask, and brown replaces all of the white you had on....It has been terrible!!  It should chill out today, and I plan to go riding....

All the testimony I have for now...Hope you all have a great WED.   I will be back for TTT!! xo

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Got a plan with some Yummy ideas!!!

Ok....2 in one day....this is picture loaded!!!  I went shopping I have a plan and once this is posted I will be on my SECOND bike ride of the day!!



Got a nice gel cushie for my tushie!!!  Feels much better to ride, but I must say, this banana thing going on
in the middle of the seat is a interesting...Did not notice that until I posted this picture...nice!!



Got this from Skinnytaste.com....Gina over at this blog has great ideas...this is a bean and avocado salad
with a lime, cumin vinaigrette...so so good and the beans have some great protein!!


In an effort to make sure I drink all of my water, I made berry water...I cut up strawberries, raspberries,
blackberries, and some oranges, smashed them just a little and added water....chill it and
berry fruit water you have...

Took the limes from the bean and avocado dressing and added lemon to make some
citrus lemon/lime water too!!!  Always nice to mic things up!!



Stocked up on fresh fruits...plan to use the fruit in my shakes as well as to mix
up some other flavored fruit water....pears, apples and I also have mango!!






Made an antipasti salad with my fresh veggies....I cut up all my lettuce and put it in the fridge so
I can just grab a fist full...did the same to my veggies...added some pepperoni, some salami, and some
other meat with some mazo cheese, olives, roasted peppers, garbanzo and kidney bean, and low cal balsamic dressing...this is huge, it will last me and hubby a couple of days!!
All the pretty fruit waiting to be used up and out in the open so I
see it, use, and eat it!!!
Additional fruit for smoothies and water...mango
and oranges...There is an avocado in there as
well for added yummyness!!




Froze some blueberries in water to add these blueberry ice cubes to my
fruit water...

Okay so I am getting on a roll today...got my good healthy food purchased, and prepared so I am ready to go and less tempted to stray from the plan!!!